What marriage advice a newly wed could give?
Marriage advice is not something you could give randomly to anyone because each marriage is unique. Today is my first wedding anniversary and unlike other couples, we didn’t plan for a getaway nor a fancy dinner. Instead, we slept all day, laughed, attended a mass, and ate the leftovers from yesterday’s party. So how was my marriage so far? Being together with the same guy for eleven straight years, some say it’ll be boring and annoying.
Marriage is faith
I do not consider myself as a religious person, but I remember asking God about my husband in 2006. I asked what is the purpose of meeting him again. Is it to have closure from our high school summer affair or if he is the one. I didn’t get a direct answer, but every day was a chance for me to fall deeply in love with him. With no plans for tomorrow, I lived each day caring for someone I do not know what the future holds.
If not every single day too, I would thank the Lord for giving me my husband. This is what I learned from my grand mom when I asked her how she manages living with someone for years. She said just pray for him, if he is being stubborn pray for him, if he is being annoying pray for him.
After she said that, I picked up a habit to trust and pray every time I feel there’s a bump in the road coming our way. Rooting for our relationship and praying for it not just for the bad times, but the good times.
Marriage is acceptance
We lived together for a year, then decided to get married. Someone told me that once you lived with a person under one roof you’ll get to know the real him. I moved into their family home too. Someone also told me that living with the in-laws will be difficult too. It was not for me! Yes, I was adjusting how their family moves around the house, how he is when he is in his comfort zone.
He watches TV most of the time, don’t know much chores, and just kills time – totally not me. I adjusted since it is my personal preference. I do something else when he is watching basketball, I just ask him not to scream too much when his favorite team shoots the ball; do the chores and little by little I ask him for help; kill time with him, trying to do as much as I could so I can cuddle with him.
When you marry a person, you don’t wish them to change to suit you. You help them to become better and accept them for who they are.
Marriage is service
I’ve heard the phrase “wives submit to your husband” and believe me, it was hard for me to adjust. Growing up independent, I only know how take care of myself. I do my everyday routine in my pace and I do not care of someone else. After marriage, I got someone to take care of, not because they are needy, but because you care. It’s like having a pet and you are the one responsible for them or your child; it’s the same principle in a higher perspective.
At first, I thought he was being demanding or he is just living the husband’s life – having a wife to take care of him. Sooner, I realized service is one language of love, and upon communicating with him, he feels loved when I am there for him.
Even I left work cause I hate mornings, I now wake up earlier than him to prepare his coffee and lunch for work. Of course, other services include making sure he has fresh clothes, the room is clean, I am clean when he gets home, and other stuff to make him happy every day.
Marriage is making time for each other
Your next goal is to replenish your savings and prepare for the future family after the wedding. Budgeting, paying bills and savings became an obsession that you forget how to live in the present. One of you will take extra work to earn more and sacrifice time together just to earn.
Providing for each other is important, but having time for each other is important too. Never ever give up date nights or a cuddle time just to earn extra. I am guilty of this, compromising wife duties, as I leave home even before he wakes up and arrive when he is asleep. Accepted weekend work and got totally no idea what happened to him the entire week.
A wake up call told me it’ll affect the relationship in the long run, so I considered other options to earn.
Marriage is love
There is no greater thing in the world than love. Yes, it is a cliché, most of us have our own fantasy of true love. It will not always be the “I love you” or the gifts every anniversary. It’s your service, your touch, your trust, and your faith with your husband and marriage.
Marriage is not a push button machinery that will work based on factory settings. It’s manual labor that requires an effort for it to work. It is not about signing the papers and then tearing it apart when things get difficult.
Marriage is a commitment, and yes, marriage is all about love.
Marriage is you
I am in the learning process of marriage and I hope you too. My advice is to never give up, continue loving, and continue praying. Swallow pride if needed, communicate your needs, keep on learning.
And though, everyone else is different, I hope what I write has inspired you to believe that love is still true and marriage might be good for you too.
I am rooting for the both of you.