I remember a vague memory of a street party and random gift buying when I was seven or eight. My family never had a big Christmas, and as the year passes by, most Christmas ended with me cooking Filipino spaghetti and a holiday ham. My parents were asleep and late thoughts with my sister “Why is our Christmas like this?”
Some Christmas is a marathon of TV series like my all time faves – Charmed and Gossip Girl. Some a movie marathon of thriller and suspense.
Two years ago, after getting married, I started celebrating Christmas with my husband’s family – Noche Buena, opening of gifts, and kitchen chores.
This year is different as I missed my family so much. We went home to Laguna two days earlier. I gave them their gifts, had a long catch up talks, dog stud session, and a big decision to make.
My dad also asked me to sort some items from my room and approve its disposal.
Letting go of my things is not a difficult task for myself. I have all these memories in my heart and in this blog. But there is a sharp emotion that strikes you when deciding whether you wish to continue holding on to something or letting them go.
I should let it go because I no longer live there.
Sorting it gave me the feels when I decided to leave the house and stay with my in laws. The fight I had with my mom and the acceptance I got when we got married.
I only saved my husband’s letter cause it is rare to have someone pour out his emotions for you.
I missed the old days but I am happy about these changes. If you do not let go, you’ll not have space for new memories. It’s like upgrading your memory to a higher capacity or simply defragmenting it so it will function better.
Do I function better now?
My parents’ house became the escape pods of our stressful days. We wish to stay longer. I want to talk to my dad and sister. I cannot stand the loneliness in their eyes whenever I say goodbye.
As we drive away from our house, a sigh made us enumerate the plans for 2019. I won’t disclose for now but I pray for 2019 to be a year for our wishes to come true.
Wish us luck.